Wednesday was our “day off”, though I didn’t approach it as such. How could I? As if imagining my future as a doula didn’t keep me busy enough, we have all been assigned “clients” for whom each has a particular issue with their pregnancy. Researching my client Kayla’s gestational diabetes, I am drawn by compassion to women who have “eventful” pregnancies. My pregnancy with Addison was uneventful – easy even, and I realize how lucky I was for that… and perhaps it made his difficult birth a little more manageable, if only for the strength and power I was able to bring in (even if I didn’t maintain it throughout). This begs the question for me… is it more important for women with “high risk” pregnancies to have a doula? Now, this is not to suggest that women such as myself, with low risk pregnancies wouldn’t benefit from having a doula – clearly that is not the case, as my birth experience with Addison can attest.
What keeps coming up for me in class, is how a woman’s emotional and mental state during labor and delivery can shift so quickly.
I’ll use myself as an example:
My water broke on the way to the hospital. When I arrived and admitted I was given a vaginal exam – 9 cm…almost there. Things were progressing normally for me. I managed through more contractions until I felt the sudden urge to push. Another exam showed 10cm. I believe I was allowed to push at 10 cm. This pushing yielded no results for me. I became weary and frustrated that nothing I was doing was working. I would push and Addison would come out a little and then he would slip back in; this is something Tracy talked about. I am now able to recognize that it was at that moment when my fear-tension-pain cycle came into the picture. A doula would have helped me and my partner to maintain presence and strength in that moment. Strength and presence at that moment would have prevented my fear-tension-pain cycle from kicking into hyper-drive as the nurses told me they would have to vacuum Addison out…
So, again, the question is asked: is it more important for women with “high risk” pregnancies to have a doula? I don’t think so. If anything, it is my opinion that women with “low risk” pregnancies need to have doulas. A woman such as my “client” Kayla, with gestational diabetes, may already be more informed about her options during labor (out of concern for the baby/health/safety) than a women going into labor “expecting” based on her uneventful pregnancy that things will go smoothly…and when they don’t, what does she do?
Needless to say, I am very excited to take my own personal experience as a mother and combine it with the amazing training from this Dolphin Method doula course.
We talked a lot today about hypnosis, spending much of our time working with Jen on methods for relaxing our clients (and ourselves). What I wouldn’t have done to have these techniques at my disposal when I was in labor! I am drawn to the observant nature of hypnosis, and I believe that level of awareness with a client just makes you that much more effective as a doula. (I will definitely be pursuing some training in hypnotherapy.) Another beautiful moment for me in class was as we were practicing some relaxation/hypnosis techniques: the awareness of my Self. So much of my process is very deeply programmed and like others, may keep me from being fully aware, fully present. The breathing exercises we practiced brought me down into a place that I don’t travel very often – I suppose that is because I am afraid. There was a safety in the class room, a comfort at being with all these other women each with their own process, for which mine was just another. I began to feel stronger – as if I had taken a step toward something that had scared me, and realized that I am capable of handling it. I believe that so much of our place as doulas will come from an awareness and comfort with the Self. For how else can we empower women during labor, if we are not empowered ourselves? Jen and Tracy call it confidence, and they are both brimming with it!
My long drive home at night usually has me singing at the top of my lungs, albeit off-key (I take comfort in the fact that no one can hear me). This night however, I found myself driving in the quiet, paying close attention to my mind chatter, perhaps to better understand it. My mind chatters visually I realized, and kinesthetically as well. Pictures flow on a constant stream, the rocks in the river bed creating ripples and splashes that represent themselves as feelings. Once I found myself feeling anxious or impatient, I practiced some of the things we had done in class…and I noticed the mind chatter slowing, my breath relaxed and my heart rate calmed…and I said out loud, Wow – this really does work!
I arrived home around midnight, to my love waiting silently for me. I slipped into bed, mentally prepared to answer the phone for my client – Kayla. Once again, the mind chatter raced – I felt anxious, preoccupied, AWAKE…and so I became aware of my breathing, I focused on my sensations and pretty soon…I was asleep. I’m so thrilled to have found a practice for myself that will actually help me – and I am very excited to be able to share with my clients the beauty of being aware of one’s Self, and the power at being able to help yourself.
I am so honored to be part of this amazing group of women – I feel like this is as much a celebration of women, as it is a doula training course.
Thank you so much!
Until next time… Namaste.